I guess the Belgians are used to fast moving armies rolling across their gloriously flat lands and perhaps that’s why they where so enthusiastically supporting 1500 lycra-clad lunatics at the Antwerp Ironman 70.3? Of course there where some working for the Résistance – but more of that later!

“Later” is not a term that springs to mind as I get out of bed at 3.00am to drive to Redhill to meet Rich Merry and Rich Traynor so we can load the car and get the 6.00am ferry from Dover to Dunkirk.  I’d already delivered my kit bag and wheels so it was just the bike to load on the carrier – lots of foam paddling and tape used to protect all that carbon fibre – as quietly as possible so not to disturb Leanne and Lucas! Still, at least we aren’t on the 2.00am ferry which the car containing Stuart, Tim and Catherine have had to catch after Stuart’s booking didn’t go through as planned! This is the first of several “ferry” related incidents to take place over the w/end!

Arriving at Dover we meet up with Craig and Tom and move into the next “ferry” problem – Tom’s bike is on top of Craig’s car and therefore counts as freight but isn’t booked in as such! The cheapest option is for Tom to ride onto the ferry as a bike passenger so off he peddles whilst we drive on – only for Craig to be parked behind a 4m high lorry, so the bike would have fitted anyway!

The Sat Nav gets us across northern France and into Belgium and mostly around Antwerp until, of course, there’s a bit of a last minute glitch! Rich abandons the car on the ramp to the underground car park opposite the hotel and runs, desperately, into the hotel for the toilet. Meanwhile me and Rich T are forced to move the car to an alternative parking area a few streets away – but as Rich Merry has left his phone in the car we can’t tell him where! Eventually we meet up again, recover the car, find a space in the underground and de-camp into the hotel. There we find Stu, Tim and Catherine who’ve all been sleeping off the effects of their very early start!

Once we are all together the plan is to stroll over to Race Registration, check out T1, get some lunch and then wander back to the hotel – surely such a simple plan can’t go wrong? Three hours later, tired, hungry, de-hydrated and bitching at each other we make it back to the hotel! For me this is the best learning experience of the weekend and something I will definitely remember for Barcelona – take a cab unless it’s within 100m of the hotel to where you want to go! Later, the others do exactly that with all of our T2 bags whilst Rich and I plan our pre-race timetable and programme the Sat Nav with the race competitor’s car park details. Couple of beers (for carbo-loading purposes only) and a bit of pasta at a local restaurant and we are in bed by 9.00pm – it’s been a long day!

Race Day dawns slightly grey and overcast with the threat of a shower but, with an 11.00am start time for the race it does mean we get to eat breakfast at a sensible time – along with the other 100 triathletes staying at the same hotel! There is some serious bike bling in the hotel lobby and some queuing to get bikes down from rooms in the lifts! Check out, load the re-built bikes onto the back of the car and off to park next to T2. We check our racking slots then ride down to the start with our T1 bags, including wetsuits. The start is on the other side of the river and so includes taking your bike down four escalators and riding through a long pedestrian tunnel before going back up the escalators on the other side – personally I think they should have included this section in the race, particularly as all the locals are doing it as well including one guy with a motorbike!

T1 is in the roadway next to the lake swim area and is long and thin meaning there will be a long run either in your wetsuit (for the young un’s) or with your bike for us old timers! In T1, I’m next to a lady from A2 Tri (one of 18 club members at the race!) and opposite a client of Richard Merry’s! Small World! Stu and Rich T and I, along with ex-member Roland Townson, are all in the last wave – the old gits! Tim & Tom are together in the first wave, Rich Merry & Craig in another and Catherine, who’s going non-wetsuit, is in another. We gradually shuffle forward and then down the steep temporary staircase and into the water. I start my watch, then have to stop it and reset as I realise we haven’t actually started yet! The hooter goes and we are away! Plenty of bumping and bashing then swimming over the slower swimmers from the earlier waves, plus of course my inevitable navigational issues, and then I’m climbing up the stairs and out feeling fairly satisfied. Roland is just behind me and asks why I kept stopping – so it was him drafting was it?

Closed roads for the whole bike route – fantastic! This includes the opening section of ring road and the road tunnel where Tim apparently enjoys hurling abuse at Tom so it echoes off the walls! Out then into the huge industrial area with mats over the tramlines, of which there are a lot! There is then a countryside loop through narrow roads and a local village which we do twice. It’s on this first visit through the village that the Résistance decide to attack the invading army of carbon-mounted storm troopers! Actually it’s just one old Belgian and his large bicycle that decide to cross the road in front of me without looking and we both end up in a heap on the road. I’m screaming Anglo-Saxon expletives; a rather attractive Belgian policewoman is berating Mr Poirot in I assume Flemish and Rich Traynor and another group of triathletes are hurtling down the road towards us! I get to the side of the road, the policewoman holds my bike whilst I un-jam the rear wheel and check it and me for any further injuries – slightly bent handlebars and a banged left knee but otherwise seems all ok and I’m away. I neither know nor care what happened to Hercule!

The rest of the ride passes without incident although I’ll admit I’m being a little cautious whenever anyone or anything appears at the side of the road! Just before I get back to T2 I see Tim finishing off his run – how does he make it look so effortless? Then it’s my turn for three laps of the town centre run route. Great support over 2/3’s of it with a quiet section of road about halfway round the lap. Feed stations every 2km with lots of gels, oranges, bananas and liquids plus I guess you could have popped into any of the roadside cafes if you felt the need? Half way round lap two I get the chance to throw a wet sponge at Rich as I pass him and he seems genuinely surprised that we are on the same lap. – so I have to tell him I spent some time on the tarmac during the bike section! Tim & Tom give me a cheer as I pass the finish to start my last lap, which is helpful as I’ve just been overtaken by one of the wheelchair competitors – boy they can’t half shift! I give it a go on the last lap thinking I might just make 5:30 but with the crash it’s just too much to make up. Still, 5:33 is a PB and my run time is pleasing. The rest of the gang are waiting at the finish and ten minutes later Mr Merry crosses the line and we are all together. Rich has beaten his previous Half IM time by just over two hours which shows how much training he’s been doing and also how tough Wimbleball is!

Rich T has been another bike crash victim, this time when he misinterpreted a policeman’s raised arm as a direction to turn right rather than a stop signal to a vehicle trying to cross his path! But a bit of road rash is, let’s face it, hardly going to stop someone who crashes bikes on a regular basis! Everyone else seems to have thoroughly enjoyed their race and all the finish times look good so big grins all round.

Wrapped in our foil blankets we amble back to T2 to collect bikes and stuff whilst the last few finishers trot past, still being warmly applauded by the locals. Back at the cars, bikes are dismantled, kit stowed and clothes changed and then it’s off to Dunkirk to catch the 10.00pm ferry back to Blighty! A service station on the way has a Pizza Hut attached so we swiftly devour a couple of 9” ers (ooh er Missus!) and get to the ferry port with time for a coffee and a chat with a couple of other returning Brit triathletes. There is also time for Craig and Tom to take Tom’s bike off the roof stand and balance it across the roof bars before applying lashings of electrical tape to hold it in place! Safely on board, Tim discovers he’s left his wallet in the waiting area café and has to run back down the gangplank and across the car park to get it – good job he’s young and a fast runner, if it had been me I’d have missed the departure!

The ferry journey back is full of outrageous tales of the day’s racing, other events we might go to and desperate attempts to get a Wi Fi connection to look at the results! Craig phones his wife who then relays various bits of info on people’s performances including the astonishing news that Mr Merry has gone sub two minutes for T2! It’s also around this time that the argument over whose on the front seat of the tandem that was in the race starts! Tom insists that it’s the blind guy which nearly causes the death by choking of our beloved Chairman!

It’s after midnight by the time we get back to Redhill. Rich T and I still have to load our cars and then drive to our homes whilst a zombie-like Mr Merry just has to stagger into his house! I’ve taken the wise decision to have Monday off work so abandon the bike and kit in the car on the driveway to be dealt with next day. It’s been a very long weekend but truly memorable with some great mates at a superb race. I’ve learnt some valuable lessons for my ironman event in Barcelona which I look forward to even more now that I know how much fun can be had when taking part with a group of like-minded individuals.

Thanks to Tim, Tom, Stuie, Craig, Rich T, Catherine and of course Mr Merry – I could have done it without you but why would you want too?